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Who am I

Viktorina Savelieva   July 2023

My writer's group homework (Gloria Goodine):

You may write in any genre you wish, i.e. poetry, essay, memoir, etc., however, please try to separate who you are from what you do!  It's a fascinating topic and one that can open all sorts of creativity.

Here are some prompts to assist you:

  1. Try to use images or stories to let the listener know your true essence;

  2. Try to use the 5 senses to reveal your true self;

  3.  Imagine someone has just met you for the first and last time and you wish to leave that lasting impression;

  4. You may wish to write about the past, present and future You;

  5. Depending on how you wish to emphasize one of the three words with or w/out a question mark, e.g., -- Who Am I or Who Am I or Who Am I, this might also stimulate some ideas.

Knowing yourself, your true essence, is the most important goal of life. There are many definitions of the term "essence". The following are the most clear to me:
- From Wikipedia: - "Defining Beginning"
- Aristotle: "Those qualities of a person that cannot be changed so that he does not cease to be himself"

The topic is very relevant, especially at the age of debriefing. Long life has made it possible to feel that everything in the world is subject to the guiding ideas of God, the Creator. It is logical to assume that each of us, Homo Sapiens, has a "Defining Beginning" or "Essence."

Our task is to know our essence and do not change it under the influence of circumstances.

Delving into myself and trying to be absolutely sincere, I understand that what is written will be read through the eyes of an outsider. Dear reader, I see that in the little that has already been written, I look too good and certainly better than I really am. In fairness, I must say that you will not find anything bad in my “opuses” about other people or about the events I describe. Don't I see the bad? Yes, I see it. Do I remember it? I remember. Why don't I write about it? Just because nothing of this was left in my soul, and if it was, it was already painted with something pink, because it reminds me of childhood, youth, love, Motherland and much more, which is very pleasant. And one more thing: everything bad that happened to me was transformed into something useful, into a kick that prevented something worse or a path where I should not go. Of course, there were scars in the soul from the pain that was delivered by very close ones, but you won’t read about this either, everything has long been forgiven

We often stood in endless lines: for bread, for kerosene, for oil, for boots, for everything, everything, everything that was impossible to do without. I remember all these queues, I see the numbers on my hand, but I don’t hear squabbles and obscenities, although I know that they were. I remember that sometimes it was cold, sometimes it was hot, but I don’t remember my sufferings, they didn’t exist. My brain was busy planning the coming victories that I believed in.

And one more thing: I made an incredible discovery. The most pleasant sensations came to me after something very bad, which I knew simply as a fact. I knew that I had fallen on a stake, but I only remembered the feeling of bliss, obviously after the worst, in the arms of my father, lulling me to sleep. I knew that I had lost my bread coupons in the famine of 1943, but I only remembered the warmth of the woman, apparently from the queue, who pressed me under her fur coat and comforted me. Tuberculosis; a shelf full of dishes that fell on me, followed by a severe concussion, and other misfortunes between the ages of 3 and 6 left in my soul the memory of the selfless love of my parents, who were saving, caressing, loving and giving me everything they had.

God protected me from unpleasant everyday life with pink glasses, sound filters and the ability to immerse myself in the world of Dreams. I heard about the presence of pink glasses and blue eyes from early childhood. If they spoke about blue eyes with a kind smile, then about another feature - with reproach and wishes for the speedy eradication of this quality. However, as I wrote above, not seeing the bad and living in a dream world was very convenient, of course, and I lived like this for quite a long time, without analyzing anything.

What happened then, you ask. The story is banal. Like all women at a certain age, I went through a painful transition. My pink glasses hid from me the beginning of the loss of physical attractiveness. The Creator would have to intervene somehow. He did just that, sending me Wisdom, explaining to me the need to take off such comfortable glasses that made me happy. A note needs to be made here. The owners of pink glasses given to them at birth have a Wisdom that is different from the Wisdom of other people. Even taking off their glasses, these people, seeing and understanding what is happening, are transforming it, removing hopelessness.

However... How things have changed! Did my husband always watch football before? My son has only parties on his mind! How could this mole on my chin did not annoy me? So much work, it will never end!

Nobody has irritated me before. Moreover, the shortcomings of people made them closer to me and encouraged me to help them, developing my best qualities. Now the same people began to annoy me. I'm angry at them and instead of helping - "educating them"

And what to do now? Put on my glasses again? Not to see the war, the redistribution of the world, hatred and cruelty?

What does Wisdom advise? Find in the dust and put on the nose already scratched, but still rose-colored glasses. They will help during the war not to overshadow the mind with hatred, to revive Hope and not to notice unpleasant, but not fatal events and shortcomings.

What should journalists, politicians, involved in the war soldiers and their relatives do? The Wisdom, sent to me does not give an answer. Help them, Creator!